Fuck John Mellencamp

Selecting the inaugural recipient of THE BIG F has been somewhat of a painstaking ordeal. You see, this is it: the inaugural BIG F. The very first one! I wanted it to be extra special. So, I went with one of my main principle foundations: to really believe the things you say you believe in and don't sell it out for the sake of profit and/or glory.

A long time ago (I don't know, the early 90s maybe?) I read a Rolling Stone interview with who was then known as John Cougar Mellencamp. You see, he was first Johnny Cougar, then he morphed into John Cougar, then became John Cougar Mellencamp, now he's just John Mellencamp. So for starters he can't even decide on the name of his solo act! So maybe next he'll be John Winthrop Bubba Mellencamp or some shit like that.

But at any rate, in this Rolling Stone interview, Mellencamp said that John Lennon (you know that guy that played in that British band from the 60s...whatever they were called) would be spinning in his grave if he knew his song was being used to sell sneakers. He was obviously referring to the Nike campaign that used "Revolution" in their television ads. Mellencamp said that he would never allow his songs to sell anybody's product. I don't know. I took that pretty heavily. I thought to myself, "Wow. Not really a big fan but I really respect him for that!" And I did. I talked with people on several occasions about it. How I thought he was a cool and respectable musician for taking a stand against selling songs for commercials.

Now I can hardly turn on a major network without hearing that awful "This Is Our Country" shit on Chevy Truck ads. I guess it's shoddy to sell your shit out isn't Mr. Mellencamp? I guess it's okay once you're old and washed up though, isn't it?

Fuck John Mellencamp. He is the first recipient of THE BIG F.

Fuck ___________

This is my awards show.

Fuck the Grammys.

Fuck the Oscars.

Fuck the Pulitzer prizes, the Emmys, the Espys, Miss America and all other awards that are not given out by me.

Those organizations and societies champion mediocrity on a regular basis. My award is not. I want mine to be negative so maybe somebody somewhere can learn something positive from it.

My award is The Big F.

The rules are simple:

1. I am the Supreme Rule Creator. <---(that would be a "period" denoting finality).

2. The Supreme Rule Creator can award The Big F to any person, thing, or ideology/principle he feels has earned it.

3. The Big F is nonnegotiable, nonrefundable, and (most importantly) nontransferable. The Big F also may not at any time be redeemed for any cash value.

4. The Supreme Rule Creator may at any time and without notice ammend, suspend, upend, defend, or transcend these rules (including but not limited to this one).